The Journey Continues

Written by Satish Kolluru

Academics are a very important part of any student's life. It is very important for one's secured future. This primarily involves financial security for the individual and most importantly, protection from the disapproval of the society.

I am sure everyone of us has come across thoughts and sayings like " He who lives for himself is selfish, but he who lives for others, is noble" etc.

Personally, I never understood these sayings. Who lives for himself in the society? Our society is designed in such a way that nobody can live for himself... I have grown up believing that a boy's academic choices, career choices, work choices etc are all made keeping in mind the one culminating goal.... To get married !

As children, like many of the things we do today, we are trained to do things not to satisfy ourselves, but others. All achievements are measured relatively. Parents compare the examination marks of their child to the highest scoring student in the class (They have a reputation to protect in the society you see....!). The child is urged to score more and more marks not because he has to feel a sense of achievement, but to beat Mr. Arora's son, Chintu... the highest scorer in class.

Knowledge takes a back seat. Achievements are measured in numbers.... (These days, even in decimals!). Thus starts the number game very early in life....

The child eats not until he is full, but until he finishes his 3 Rotis, 1 Egg and 1 Glass of milk. He is rewarded for knowing 4 poems more than Mr Arora's son, Chintu. He sleeps not when he feels sleepy, but at 09:30 PM, as is his daily instructed routine... He reads not because he loves to read, but because he has to secure the 1st rank in class. He has to be No 1....!

As he moves on in life, one day, he will probably realize the fact that it is okay to not be No 1! The points of reference are way too many for somebody to be No 1 in any perspective! Sadly, most often than not, it will be too late by then.

I too was in some way, part of this ball game. Don't get me wrong. I have the best parents in the world, who always encouraged me to think differently and experiment with things the way I wanted. Whatever I am today (Only the good things in me... :-) ) is because of my parents.

As a kid, I was always pretty decent at studies. Though i wasn't a consistent 1st rank holder, I can safely say that I was always among the top 4 in the class with some strong points in few subjects here and there.

Teachers have their own patented way of treating students. Every teacher wants his/her student to primarily excel in studies but they also expect him to be multitalented. Their dream student has to be both, studious and also good at extracurricular activities (generally involving literary skills, as the case may be). I had experienced in school that if a student is only keen on participating in musical activities and is weak in studies, he would instantly be labeled as a boy with no future. No amount of hard work on his part could ever change their opinion on him.

Since I was good at both studies and extra curricular activities, I was every teacher's favorite student. There seemed to exist an unofficial but clearly defined rule in my school. Students were encouraged to participate in non literary events (music performance etc...) till they reached standard X, after they reached that very historic stage, they were expected to put an end to all that... The 10th and 12th standards are like 2 black holes in my otherwise flawless memory.

I was a rebel of sorts because I had redefined many of the existing unofficial rules by continuing to excel in extra curricular musical activities even as I entered my 10th standard. But, somehow, I had very clearly prioritized one thing in my mind by then... that right now, I need to give the highest importance to my studies (may be I started feeling the pinch of the society by now... The feeling is so deep rooted, you don't even realize when it is taking its toll...!)

As I entered my 10th standard, I had made up my mind to pursue an engineering degree from the Indian Institute of Technology (IIT). My dad had always motivated me to do whatever I wanted and it was upon his guidance I had come to this decision. I have to confess though that initially I had no clue whatsoever as to what an IIT is or what opportunities a degree from it would present me with....

However, I had made up my mind....!

What I went through for the next 2 years is probably one of the most gruelling experiences of my life. I had slowly started withdrawing from extra curricular activities (though an odd performance here and there continued to happen) with my only mission in life.... to get into an IIT.

I studied all day and night. I would refuse to attend any social gatherings, as it would break my concentration and get me off focus from my goal. I retreated into my own world and thoughts. Studies were on my mind all the time. I was discovering a different me.... As a result, like everybody else, my teachers also took notice of this sudden transformation in me.

Slowly, from being known for my extra curricular activities, I was being known for my academic brilliance. Even better, some started labeling me as one of the best students to have ever studied in the school. Even without realizing, I slowly climbed up the ladder from being among the top 4 in the class to become the 1st rank holder. All these were but only indications to my success at the forthcoming IIT entrance examination.

As this saga continued, the D - day finally arrived...! Everything was set, all academic track records were broken and I was finally ready to take the IIT JEE head on and make my dream come true! I gave my best shot at the examination.

A few weeks later, the results of the JEE were out. As the news spread around, I went to a nearby shop and bought a copy of The Hindu. I started looking for my hall ticket number in the list. At first glance, I missed my number in the list as a result of my uncontrollable excitement. So, I took a deep breath and started looking for it in the list again. This time, I went looking for the number one by one....

As I scrolled through all the numbers one by one, my heart started beating faster and faster. Then I finally reached the last number and couldn't believe what I saw (or rather, what I didn't see...). My number was not listed. No, i wasn't selected to study in the IIT!

I had failed, that too for the very first time in my life! The dream, which I had so passionately nurtured over the years, had instantly broken into infinite number of pieces.

What hurt me even more was the fact that I had let my parents down. They had believed in me all these years. They had supported me all this while and gave me the freedom to do whatever I wanted and all I gave them in return was..... FAILURE!

I had failed to give them the joy of being the proud parents of one of the most brilliant boys in India....

Meanwhile, I had also appeared for EAMCET, the state board's common examination for entrance into Engineering Colleges and secured a decent rank which presented me with a seat in Civil Engineering at Andhra University.

With great difficulty, I accepted my fate (though I was still heart broken).

"Humm.... what do I do now?"..... That's what I was thinking. The next logical progression for people in my kind of situation was pretty much pre - defined.

But, as fate would have it.... I went on to re - define what was pre - defined....!!